Mano baimė/ Freedom Blue, 2022

In collaboration with Milda Ambrožaitė & Inga Praškevičiūtė

Mano baimė/ Freedom Blue is my response to the russian aggression in Ukraine, as well as the one the soviet army committed half a century ago. It is an audio-visual piece about softness and violence. War and peace. Fear and freedom. The multidisciplinary piece consists of abstracted still imagery of performer’s skin and extracts of performance, where a female body is distorted with three balloons filled with blue paint. One balloon is positioned on performer’s back, as a representation of the inevitably inherited and multi-layered pain women and mothers carry on their shoulders. Another balloon, placed in the midriff area, alludes to maternity and the infinite responsibility for others that comes with it. Finally, the third balloon is situated on the left side of pelvic-girdle, highlighting the fragility of female anatomy and physicality and, most importantly, the continuous possibility and internalized fear of rape. Each time the serene imagery of the subject’s skin is interrupted by the sudden intervals of a misshaped female body, a sensation of tension grows. In one of the scenes, the subject holds a needle in her hands. A needle has a complex meaning. It can be understood as having a magical power of repairing the damage and mending the wounds. Yet, such delicate object holds an immense violence within. Aggressive demeanor – peaceful mission. The feeling of intensity tightens, as the performer begins to move the needle towards the bodily distortions. As soon as the sharp tip of the needle touches each balloon, it explodes leaving the subject to bleed in blue. Just as the contrasting and continuously interchanging imagery, and the complex duality of a needle, the monologue present throughout the piece both guides and misleads the viewer. It is a personal avalanche of multiple forms of fear I carry within me. And yet as personal as it might be, the kind of fear lingers in a collective memory of any free country viciously scarred by violence.